WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
