I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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