Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
