Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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