I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Couch. On fire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
