Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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