I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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