For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
