i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
