Do you still have your period?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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