just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
