First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
