You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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