I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
