whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
