Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
