I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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