We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
