if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
