too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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