I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
