Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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