Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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