i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
