12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize