You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
