You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
