Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
