Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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