operation harelip BJ is a go
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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