how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
