Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
