Kiss
Puke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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