As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
