I wanna bring you to show and tell
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well you can't waste a boner
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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