Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
