guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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