my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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