eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
