If that was your dad, he is hot
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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