So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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