Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
