Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
