Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize