This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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