Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
