it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
