I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
