in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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