she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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