It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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