You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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