you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
