Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
