this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
