i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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