I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize