This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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