Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
