Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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