I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
