Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
