You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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