you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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