all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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