if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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