I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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