1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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