My boss' voice literally gives me gas
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
