I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
