Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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