I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Boobs are out for the taking
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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