I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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