I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
