Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
