i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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