his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
