If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
