I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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