so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
