Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize