The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize