he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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