At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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