just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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