ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
