No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
