I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
