Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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