Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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