Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
