i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
