And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize