smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
