Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
