the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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