I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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