Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize