So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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