my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
