I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
